Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

19 Mayo, 2008, 23:47:38

Manlezl

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Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

Bueno, aunque muchas ya las conoceis, a ver quien tiene narices de leerlo enterito Sonreir

(oh!! limitado a solo 10.000 caracteres, pongo varios )

ATC: Alitalia 345 continue taxi holding position 26 South via Tango check for workers along taxiway
AZA: Ali345 Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked - all are working
---
ARN851: "Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15."
Halifax Terminal (female): "Nova 851 Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06."
---
(busy) Moncton Center: "Speedbird 169 cleared direct Chibougamau"
BAW169: "I'm sorry, sir, can you repeat that?"
CZQM: "Speedbird 169 cleared direct Yankee Mike Tango"
BAW169: "Direct Yankee Mike Tango for Speedbird 169. What was that name again?"
CZQM: "It's called Chibougamau"
BAW169: "Would you say again, please?"
CZQM: "Chibougamau. I say again, Chibougamau!"
BAW169: "Oh, how quaint. What does it mean?"
CZQM: "It's eskimo for f--- off!"
---
ACA1147: "Moncton, Air Canada 1147, can you get the winds from 167 above us?"
CZQM: "As soon as I get a chance, I will."
(some time passes with continuous radio chatter)
ACA1147: "Moncton, 1147, what are his winds up there?"
CZQM: "Standby for that, please"
(more radio chatter)
ACA1147: "Moncton, can you ask company 167 for his winds?"
CZQM: "Ok, 1147 and 167, I have a little too much to do for that sort of thing right now. I'll leave it up to you guys to go over to company frequency and pass winds."
---
Aurora: "Moncton, TRIALS08, we'll be working VFR at 4,500, loitering over the city of Saint John for about the next 10-15 minutes. We'd like radar flight following."
CZQM: "TRIALS08, roger, you're radar identified. Are you aware the city has bylaws against loitering?"
Aurora: "Ah... roger that"
---
(check the callsign of the answering aircraft)
CZQM: "Nova 895 contact Moncton on 127.12"
ARN871: "Over to 127.12, for Nova 871. We'll talk to you later."
CZQM: "Maybe sooner than you think."
(a few seconds pass...)
ARN871: "Uh, Moncton, they didn't want to talk to us on 127.12..."
CZQM: "See what I mean?"
---
Lost student pilot: "Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, identify yourself."
---
NY Ctr: "Federal Express 235, descend, maintain three one zero, expect lower in ten miles."
FedEx 235: "Okay, outta three five for three one oh, FedEx two thirty-five."
NY Ctr: "Delta fahv twuntee, climb one ninah zeruh, dat'll be finah..."
Delta 520: "Uhh... up to one niner zero, Delta five twenty."
NY Ctr: "Al-italia wonna sixxa, you slowa to two-a-fifty, please."
Alitalia 16: "HEY! You makea funna Alitalia?!"
NY Ctr: "Oh, no! I make-a funna Delta anna FedEx!"
---
Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR
---
Cont: "AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots."
Pilot: "Rogo', Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots fer ya."
Cont: (a few moments later): "AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now 1 1/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots."
Pilot: "AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots"
Cont: "AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now 1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots"
Pilot (a little miffed): "Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this here C-130 is?"
Cont: "No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you."
---
Tower: 95 Delta, do you read the tower?
95D: 675, sir
Tower: 95 Delta, Say Again
95D: I think it is 675.
Tower: 95 Delta, What do you mean by 675?
95D: I mean I think I read "Elevation 675 feet" on the tower as I taxied by for takeoff, but I am too far away to read it now.
Tower: 95 Delta, you are cleared to land. Please give the tower a call ON THE TELEPHONE after you have tied down.

---

PAO Twr: "Mooney 23D, traffic is a Cherokee just entering downwind from the left 45."
Mooney 23D: "Uhhh, tower, 23D...only traffic I see is a Cessna."
(pause)
PAO Twr: "Mooney 23D, follow your traffic directly ahead, an, um, inverted Cherokee just abeam the numbers."

---

Tomahawk: "F-XAA is final 29, touch and go."
Tower: "XAA is cleared touch and go, 29".
(several long circuits later)
Tomahawk: "F-XAA is final 29, touch and go"
Tower: "F-XAA is cleared touch and go, 29. How many more circuits were you planning on making?"
Tomahawk: "We though we'd make one or two more."
Tower: "Roger. I just wondered because we were calculating your landing fees, and you're up to $13,000 now."
(long delay)
Tomahawk: "THAT WAS OUR LAST ONE!!!!!"
(another long delay)
Tower: "Just kidding. Next time, read your flight supplement."
---
7MA: Cessna 187MA is 5 NE, landing, with the numbers.
HYA: Roger 7MA, make straight-in runway 22. Say type landing.
7MA: We're a Cessna 182.
HYA: Negative, say *type* landing.
7MA: Uh, 7MA is a Cessna 182 slant Uniform.
HYA: 7MA, I say again, say **type** landing.
7MA: (Silence) A good one I hope.
---
Control: You're unreadable, say again.
Motor-glider: I've turned off the engine, is that better?
Control: (looong pause)
---
ATC: "Cessna G-ARER What are your intentions? "
Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating."
ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes not years."
---
Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.
Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.
Controller: oooohhh! You have traffic!
---

Controller: "Speedbird 12, are you a heading?"
Pilot: "We are always a heading."

---

Korean Air 1234 : "Please say runway and brake situation".
Auckland Tower : "Previously landed Beech twin prop reported half an inch of standing water on runway, no report on braking effectiveness as brakes not required".
Korean Air 1234 : "Ehhh... Say again...".
Auckland Tower : "Previously landed aircraft says did not need to use brakes, ten to fifteen millimeter deep water on runway".
Korean Air 1234 : "Ah ! Thank you !".
---

"Un cerdo que no vuela es solo un cerdo" Porco Rosso. http://www.youtube.com/user/Manlezl

19 Mayo, 2008, 23:48:06

Manlezl

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Re: Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

O'Hare Approach: USA212, cleared ILS runway 32L approach, maintain speed 250 knots.
USA212: Roger approach, how long do you need me to maintain that speed?
O'Hare Approach: All the way to the gate if you can.
USA212: Ah, OK, but you better warn ground control.
---
ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 3,000 ft on QNH 1019.
Pan AM 1: Could you give that to me in inches?
ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 36,000 inches on QNH 1019
---
Cessna 152: "Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred"
Controller: "Roger, contact Houston Space Center"

---

727 pilot: "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?"
Controller: "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth."

---

Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.
ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.

---

Student Pilot: "I'm lost; I'm over a lake and heading toward the big E."
Controller: "Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar."
(short pause)...
Controller: "Okay then. That lake is the Atlantic Ocean. Suggest you turn to
the big W immediately ..."

---

Pilot: "Approach, Acme Flt 202, with you at 12,000' and 40 DME."
Approach: "Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000'."
Pilot: "Approach, 202's unable that descent rate."
Approach: "What's the matter 202? Don't you have speed brakes?"
Pilot: "Yup. But they're for my mistakes. Not yours."

---

Tower: "...and for your information, you were slightly to the left of the centerline on that approach."
Speedbird: "That's correct; and, my First Officer was slightly to the right"

---
A deer is on the runway... so...
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off.
Student: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Inst: "What do you think you should do?"
(think-think-think)
Std: "Maybe if I taxi toward him it'll scare him away."
Inst: "That's a good idea."
(Taxi toward deer, but deer is macho, and holds position.)
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off, runway NN.
Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Inst: "What do you think you should do?"
(think-think-think)
Std: "Maybe I should tell the tower."
Inst: "That's a good idea."
Std: Cessna XXX, uh, there's a deer down here on the runway.
(long pause)
Tower: Roger XXX, hold your position. Deer on runawy NN cleared for immediate departure.
(Two seconds, and then -- I presume by coincidence -- the deer bolts from the runway, and runs back into the woods.)
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for departure, runway NN. Caution wake turbulence, departing deer.
It had to be tough keeping that Cessna rolling straight for take-off.
---
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to departure...by the way as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "National 63 cleared for takeoff...did you copy the report from Eastern?"
National 63: "Roger, Tower, cleared for takeoff... yes, we've already notified our caterers."

---

Controller: "USA353 (sic) contact Cleveland Center 135.60.
(pause)
Controller: "USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!"
(pause)
Controller: "USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!"
Pilot: "Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name you'd get a better response!"

---

Pilot: "Approach, Federated 303's with at 8000' for vectors ILS, full stop.
Approach: "Unable Federated 303. The ILS is out of service."
Pilot: "We'll take the VOR then."
Approach: "Sir, the VOR's in alarm right now. Standby."
Pilot: "OK, guess it'll have to be the ADF then."
Approach: "303, unable the ADF right now for traffic saturation."
Pilot: "OK, approach. State my intentions."

---

ATC: "N123YZ, say altitude."
N123YZ: "ALTITUDE!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say airspeed."
N123YZ: "AIRSPEED!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say cancel IFR."
N123YZ: "Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated."

---

Tower: "Alpha Charlie, climb to 4000 ft for noise abatement"
Pilot: "How can I possibly be creating excess noise at 2000 ft?"
Tower: "At 4000 ft you will miss the twin coming at you at 2000 ft, and that is bound to avoid one hell of a racket".

---

Pilot with Southern drawl: Birdseed Approach, Barnburner 123 with ya at seven thousand, with Information -- excuse the expression -- Yankee.

---

BB: "Barnburner 123, Request 8300 feet."
Bay Approach: "Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude."
BB: "Because the last 2 times I've been at 8500, I've nearly been run over by some bozo at 8500 feet going the wrong way!"
Bay: "That's a good reason. 8300 approved."

---

Pilot: Oakland Ground, Cessna 1234 at Sierra Academy. Taxi, Destination Stockton
Ground: Cessna 1234, Taxi Approved, report leaving the airport

---

Controller: "FAR1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus 330 or 340?"
Pilot: "A340 of course!"
Controller: "Then would you mind switching on the two other engines and give me a 1000 feet per minute, please?"

---

Controller: "AAL235 contact tower on 117.30"
Pilot: "Roger, tower on 123.50"

---

Controller: "Air Force 53, it appears your engine has... oh... disregard, I see you've already ejected."

---

Pilot: "Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo estabished ILS 16."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm and by the way: this is Wien Tower."
Pilot: (short break) "Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!"
Pilot: (short break again) "Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?"
Tower: "You can believe me, this is Vienna!
Pilot: (once again short break) "But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!"
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava."

---

"Un cerdo que no vuela es solo un cerdo" Porco Rosso. http://www.youtube.com/user/Manlezl

19 Mayo, 2008, 23:48:33

Manlezl

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Re: Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

Tower (in Stuttgart): "Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170 knots."
Pilot: "This is here like Frankfurt. There is also only 210 and 170 knots...But we are flexible."
Tower: "We too. Reduce to 173 knots."

---

Lufthansa-Pilot (Im Anflug auf Berlin kurz nach dem Brünkendorf VOR): "Warum holen Sie uns denn schon so früh so weit runter? Sie wissen doch, daß das Fliegen in derart niedriger Höhe für uns sehr unwirtschaftlich ist.'"
Controller. "Ja, Sie müssen schon entschuldigen, aber wir haben sehr viel Verkehr von Tegel aus in Ihre Richtung, und mit dem könnten Sie dann zusammenstoßen."
Pilot: "Na, das wäre ja noch viel unwirtschaftlicher."

---

Pilot: "... request heading to avoid."
Controller: "To avoid what?"
Pilot: "To avoid further delay."

---

Tower: "Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ?"
Pilot: "Negative, Sir. It's only the same pilot."

---

Tower: "Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading."
Pilot: "Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345..."

---

Pilot Trainee: "Tower, please speak slowly, I am a baby in English and lonely in the cockpit"

---

Tower: "Hotel Papa Oscar climb four thousand to six thousand and maintain."
Pilot: "Hotel Papa Oscar, climbing flight level 100."
Tower: "Hotel Papa Oscar, climb to flight level 60 and maintain."
Pilot: "But four plus six is ten, isn't it?"
Tower: "You should climb, not add up."

---

A beautiful summer day with good thermals, near Billund airport, Denmark:
Billund ATC: "Gliders 82 and D5, state position and altitude?"
82: Overhead Coal Lake, 6400 feet."
D5: "Same position, same altitude."
ATC (cool, dry voice): "So should I go get my collision report form??"

---

München II Tower: "LH 8610 cleared for take-off."
Pilot (LH 8610): "But we are not even landed."
Tower: Yes, who is then standing at 26 south ? "
Pilot (LH 8801): "LH 8801."
Tower: "OK, then you are cleared for take-off."

---

London Controller: "CBN438 you are cleared direct Dover VOR."
Pilot: "Roger, copy cleared direct Kosky VOR."
Controller: "Ok, cleared direct Kosky VOR."

---

Tower: "Aircraft on final, go around, there's an aircraft on the runway!"
Pilot Trainee: "Roger" (pilot continues approach)
Tower: "Aircraft, I said GO AROUND!!!"!
Pilot Trainee: "Roger"
The trainee doesn't react, lands the aircraft on the numbers, rolls to a twin standing in the middle of the runway, goes around the twin and continues to the taxiway.

---

Tower: "Mission 123, do you have problems?"
Pilot: "I think, I have lost my compass."
Tower: "Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel!"

---

Controller: "CRX600, are you on course to SUL?"
Pilot: "More or less."
Controller: "So proceed a little bit more to SUL."

---

Pilot: "Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please."
Tower: "KLM 242 expect start up in two hours."
Pilot: "Please confirm: two hours delay?"
Tower: "Affirmative."
Pilot: "In that case, cancel the good morning!"

---

Pilot: "FLX 30, we just have a few gallons of fuel."
Tower: "Please give us your position, we dont see you at the radar!"
Pilot: "We are standing at runway 2 and want to know, when the fuel truck will come!"

---

<big time eye-roll collection>
Do you have Charlie?
Negative, we left him back at the hanger!

Do you have Echo?
Negative, recieving you loud and clear!

Do you have Hotel?
Negative, We are staying with friends!

Do you have Juliet?
Negative, and please don't say anything to my wife!

Do you have Kilo?
Negative, but I think there a couple roaches in the ashtray!

Do you have Mike?
Negative, I have a push-to-talk button and a headset!

Do you have Oscar?
Negative, but I'm expecting a nomination this year!

Do you have Popa?
Negative, but I wrote him a letter last week!

Do you have Romeo?
Negative, Negative! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

Do you have Uniform?
Negative, just jeans and sweatshirt!

Do you have Victor?
Negative, Who is Victor?

Do you have Xray?
Negative, my doctor wants a CAT Scan!

Do you have Whiskey?
Negative, not in last 8 hours, Am I not on assigned heading?

---

Washington D.C., Clearance Delivery: "GAF269, you are cleared to destination Indian Springs via after take off radar vectors to 4000 feet thereafter present position direct BOM do not pass BOM at 6000 feet or below after passing 15000 feet turn right on heading 280 to intercept J156 direct ZZT thereafter intercept J158 own navigation read back."
GAF 269: "Roger German Air Force 269 is cleared to Destination Indian Springs via after take off radar vectors to 4000 feet thereafter present position direct BOM do not pass BOM at 6000 feet or below after passing 15000 feet turn right on heading 280 to intercept J156 direct ZZT thereafter intercept J158 own navigation and I need another pencil."

---

A classic, sounds like an average day answering bug reports:

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Noise behind left panels. Sounds like a little man with hammer.
Solution: Took hammer from little man.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.

Problem: Aircraft handles funny
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, “fly right” and be serious

Problem: Target Radar hums
Solution: Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words

"Un cerdo que no vuela es solo un cerdo" Porco Rosso. http://www.youtube.com/user/Manlezl

19 Mayo, 2008, 23:49:05

Manlezl

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Re: Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

Twr: LEPE321 reporte altura y posicion.
LEPE321: 1 80 y sentado. la twr no se rie, pero al aproximarse al campo...
TWR: QNH 1018
LEPE321: deme pista en servicio
TWR: oro parece plata no es....
Pero esto no es todo, ya que cuando le dieron su suelta en vuelo nocturno:
estando nustro amigo en larga final...
LEPE123:a que no adivina quien soy? a lo que torre responde apagando las
luces de pista y dice TWR: a que no adivina donde?

TWR: HBCDL, report position
HBCDL: Well, I call it "el culo del mundo"
Nota: Estaba en el parking remoto.

TWR:ECDRV, ruede al punto de espera pista 31, y responda 6314.
AVO: Rodando al punto de espera 31, 6314. ...
AVO: 6314, en punto de espera, listo. !!!!

Avioneta de escuela de vuelo, rodando para cabecera de RWY 22.
LECO TWR:CESNA XX, notifique intenciones despues de salida.
CESNA XX :Recibido, despues de la salida le notificaré mis intenciones.

TWR:EC-XXX es usted nº dos detrás de un Air Tractor de bomberos procedente
de Terrassa directo a final 13.
ACF:Nº dos, buscando a un Tractor Amarillo...,EC-XXX.

Aeropuerto de Sabadell (LELL)
plt: Ehhh...torre, le informamos que hay un objeto circulado por la pista,
ehhh... a mitad de pista.
TWR: Copiado ... coche de bomberos salga a apartar al perro que está uhh...
en mitad de pista...

Haciendo la aproximacion al Aeropuerto de Punta Negra contactamos con la
torre de control para las instrucciones de aterrizaje.
El torrero nos responde en francés.
Repetimos el contacto en inglés, español y portugués...
El torrero solo respondía en francés.
Todavía estoy por averiguar que fué lo que me dijo porque yo no hablo
francés.

El control de aproximación del aeropuerto de San Andrés Islas (Colombia), ya
hace años, les decia a las aeronaves que se aproximaban hacia el V.O.R de
SPP de la siguiente manera:
ava9773 yo personalmente te autorizo a el V.O.R. de san andres via B689
descienda

TWR de Jerez, EC-XXX 25 Nm fuera, instrucciones por favor.
Jerez Twr, EC-XXX mantengase fuera, actualmente tengo a la vuelta ciclista
de españa entrando en el campo.
Jerez, eh¡¡ muy interesante, pero.... no veo en que me puede afectar,
nosotros estamos manteniendo 3.500 ft.
Jerez TWR, EC-XXX, corrección, vuelta aérea de españa, entrando en el CTR.
EC-XXX, recibido, mantenemos fuera

Twr de Jerez, EC-XXX 35 NM fuera, 1.000 ft, con campo a la vista,
solicitamos instrucciones de aterrizaje Jerez
TWR. EC-XXX, que Dios le conserve la vista, pero continue y llame mejor
cuando este 10 NM fuera

Una peculiar información de tráfico oida en un centro de control:
ATC: DanAir xxx, traffic infor..uy...uy....Disregard.

Un piloto de Britannia interesandose por los cultivos visibles en la
aproximación final a la pista 03 de Las Palmas (Nota: se trata de tomates)
AVO: Please tower, what are those plastics on final of runway 03?
TWR: No plastics reported on final.

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They
not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there
without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we
(PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and
a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing:
Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."
Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate."
The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."
Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never
flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop".

Tráfico en aproximación vor/dme rwy 03 circulando rwy 21
plt: Cerrillos TWR cc-xxx 8 dme from scl vor/dme
twr:cc-xxx roger, report circuling to rwy 21

Aeronave despega para efectuar circuitos de tránsito a rwy 21 de Ad. Los
Cerrillos
plt: sctitwr cc-xxx en tramo con el viento para toque y despegue
twr: cc-xxx recibio, nº2 para aterrizar siguiendo un pa31 en final rwy21,
notifique base
plt: recibido, notificaré (se le queda el PTT apretado) luego aterriza y
pregunta porqué no le dieron instrucciones de aterrizaje
twr: porque no me escuchaba ya que tenia el PTT aPTTetado
P.Alfaro/SCARAPP

Me ocurrió en LECB durante la guerra del golfo
LECB: RETRO51 report mach number. (Durante la guerra del golfo, casi todos
los indicativos eran MAC seguido de cinco cifras, pero no era el caso de
este avión)
RETRO51: I don´t have a mach number (Después de varios intentos como el
anterior y recibir la misma respuesta, llegué a pensar que los aviones
militares americanos tendrían otro modo de medir la velocidad, pero al final
caí en la pregunta adecuada"
LECB: RETRO51, report speed. RETRO51: Roger, mach number 0,81.

Control llamando a bravo november bravo y silencio....
repite la llamada control a bravo november bravo y silencio...
hasta que el piloto contesta: no será bravo november victor
control replica, lo siento tenemos problemas ortograficos

"Un cerdo que no vuela es solo un cerdo" Porco Rosso. http://www.youtube.com/user/Manlezl

19 Mayo, 2008, 23:49:41

Manlezl

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Re: Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

AVO: Twr, this is N-1234 over the big trees, I request two or three
thounsand feet.
CTR: Roger; confirm your request: two or three thounsand feet?
AVO: Yes.
CTR: Yes, what?
AVO: Yes, Sir!!

Más que oído en la escuela, son chistes (y a veces realidades) que hacen
referencia a ATC.
Espero y deseo no herir susceptibilidades.

AVO: Barajas torre: EC-ZZZ, final 33, solicitamos "touch and go".
TWR: EC-ZZZ roger. Autorizado "touch and go" pista 33.
(Después de 4 circuitos)
AVO: Barajas torre: EC-ZZZ, final 33, solicitamos "touch and go".
TWR: EC-ZZZ roger. Autorizado "touch and go" pista 33. ¿Cuántos circuitos
mas tiene previsto hacer?
AVO: dos o tres mas. EC-ZZZ.
TWR: EC-ZZZ roger. Se lo digo porque he calculado sus tasas de aterrizaje y
ascienden a 200.000 pesetas.
(Largo silencio)
AVO: Barajas torre: EC-ZZZ, este será el ultimo.

TWR: EC-ZZZ. Dígame altitud.
AVO: Madrid Control, EC-ZZZ; "ALTITUD".
TWR: EC-ZZZ. Dígame indicada.
AVO: Madrid Control,EC-ZZZ; "INDICADA".
TWR: EC-ZZZ. Dígame cancelado plan de vuelo.
AVO: Madrid Control, EC-ZZZ; Nivel de vuelo 120, 200 nudos.

AVO: Barajas torre; EC-ZZZ, solicitamos instrucciones para despegue.
TWR: EC-ZZZ roger. Abra gases lentamente, vigile temperatura y presión,
manténgase alineado...

AVO: Miami torre: XX1234 a 6000 pies, rumbo 270 con información, con perdón,
YANKEE.

AVO: Madrid control; EC-ZZZ, moderada turbulencia en FL100.
TWR: EC-ZZZ. Roger. ¿Requiere descenso?
AVO: Madrid control, EC-ZZZ; mi mujer, sí. Para mí está bien.

TWR: XX-1234, autorizado a taxi a punto espera 36L.
AVO: Autorizado taxi a punto espera, XX-36L.

TWR: EC-ZZZ; ¿Es usted una Cessna-200?
AVO: Negativo. Soy un piloto de 27 años.

TWR: EC-ZZZ: Deme altura y posición.
AVO: 1,79 m. A la derecha en la parte frontal del avión.

AVO: Barajas torre, EC-ZZZ. Por favor, llámeme una furgoneta.
TWR: EC-ZZZ, roger: es usted "UNA FURGONETA".

(Después de una larga toma casi a media pista de un B747)
TWR: XX-1234, a la derecha al final de la pista, si es posible. Si no, tome
la salida 10 de la autovía A-30 en dirección "aeropuerto".

APP: XX-1234, autorizado ILS pista 33. Trafico en final, un helicóptero a 3
NM 140 nudos. Reduzca a 130.
AVO (mosqueado): ¿Sabe cual es la velocidad mínima de este avión?.
APP: XX-1234, negativo; pero si se lo pregunta al copiloto, a lo mejor le
puede informar al respecto.

AVO: Barajas torre; EC-ZZZ en final para pista 33.
TWR: EC-ZZZ, negativo. "Final" es cuando ya no tiene que hacer ningún viraje
para alinearse con la pista.

AVO: Getafe torre: EC-ZZZ autorización para taxi, destino Barajas.
TWR: EC-ZZZ, autorizado. Comunique abandonando el aeropuerto.

CTR: XX-1234, comunique Madrid Control en 133,35.
(Silencio)
CTR: XX-1234, Repito: comunique Madrid Control en 133,35.
(Silencio)
CTR: XX-1234, Es usted como mi mujer. Nunca escucha lo que le digo.
AVO: Madrid control de XX-4321: a lo mejor, si la llama por su nombre,
obtendrá respuesta.

AVO: Madrid Control, XX-1234, acabamos de ser alcanzados por un rayo.
CTR: XX-1234, roger. ¿Tiene algún problema?
AVO: XX-1234, no realmente. Ya nos hemos cambiado de ropa interior.

CTR: EC-ZZZ: ¿Está en curso a SMA?
AVO: Más o menos.
CTR: Pues proceda un poco mas a SMA.

(El comandante a los pasajeros, después de una frustrada)
CMT: Señoras y señores, están ustedes de enhorabuena: Van a hacer 2
aterrizajes por el precio de uno...

AVO: Madrid Ground: Buenos días: XX-1234 solicitamos turbinas y push-back.
GND: XX-1234, roger. espere autorización en una hora.
AVO: ¿Me confirma autorización en una hora?.
GND: XX-1234, afirmativo.
AVO: En ese caso, cancele los "buenos días". XX-1234.

Control, nos ha pasado un tráfico muy cerca
Lo siento: Little money, little separation

TWR: ECBDF orbite en base derecha 30
ECBDF: entiendo base izquierda.
TWR: Negativo, orbite encima de la base militar

En una ocación un Piper Navajo pidió a la Torre de Control de Tobalaba en
Chile una apreciación climática ya que se estaba nublando, el ATC LT
contestó con su mejor sapiencia SIC- Estimo que en un par de horas se
despeja.- Fue el peor temporal que se recuerda, con desborde de rios, lluvia
tormentosa por semanas y miles de damnificados.
Julio Mantilla (Un chileno en Argentina) (ATC APP)

Hay unas personas cruzando la cabecera de la pista 30.
No te preocupes están cruzando por el paso de cebra.

En un APT internacional español cuyo nombre prefiero silenciar un DC-9 en
cabecera de pista autorizado para un despegue inmediato desde hacia un buen
rato y que no acababa de iniciarlo y un B727 en final que ya se habia
convertido en corta final. En vista del problema, el B727 comunica a torre
que hace una frustrada a lo que la torre le contesta (textual) "IBERIA XXX
mantenga posicion". Respuesta del B727: "Lo intentaremos...".
Javier Yebenes

Sucedido hace poco en LESO:
FXXXX: San Sebastian twr, this is FXXXX, over.
TWR : FXXXX, San Sebastian TWR, go ahead.
FXXXX: Roger, sir," we are going ahead".
Simón Rance

¿Qué hacer con un piloto pesado que no para de ocupar la frecuencia? Muy
fácil, la solución se le ocurrió a una controladora que dijo:
Usted haga un 360 por manifestarse

BAW567, Flock of birds reported over CPL
IBE027, rebaño de aves notificado sobre CPL
Ramón Sainz de Vicuña

Una controladora agobiada por los pilotos que tenía en frecuencia le dijo a
uno de ellos:
Cállese que ustedes son muchos y yo sólo una.
Un controlador francés le dijo a un compañero que la compañía Air Nostrum
pertenecía al Vaticano a pesar de que los pilotos eran españoles. Además le
sugirió tratarlos de una forma especial dado su carácter eclesiástico.
El muy inocente se lo creyó y se despidió de la aeronave diciendo:
ANS784 comunique 118.6 Amén

Real como la vida misma; sucedió en Sevilla ACC:
En la AWY UB28; vuelo MAC 67954 (transporte militar USAF; actualmente usan
código de llamada como REACH) solicita FL 350. Delante un vuelo de Alitalia,
AZA 1234 (por ejemplo), A FL 350. El controlador pretende averiguar la
velocidad de ambos, y comienza por preguntar al MAC: "MAC 67954, say your
Mach number" y este responde tranquilamente: " MAC 67954 my MAC number is
67954"
Pepe Morales

ACC: AYC567 para separación descienda a nivel 270
AYC567: Si descendemos a 270 no llegamos a Las Palmas
ACC: AYC567 si mantiene 290 no pasa de Hinojosa, descienda a 270
AYC567: Recibido, descendemos a 270

"Un cerdo que no vuela es solo un cerdo" Porco Rosso. http://www.youtube.com/user/Manlezl

19 Mayo, 2008, 23:50:02

Manlezl

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Re: Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

Maximas para piloto.
Los despegues son opcionales... los aterrizajes son obligatorios.

Volar no es peligroso... estrellarse es peligroso.

Si usted empuja el comando hacia adelante las casas se agrandan, si lo tira hacia atrás se achican... a menos que siga tirando hacia atrás, entonces ellas se agrandan nuevamente.

Es mejor estar aquí abajo deseando estar ahí arriba... que estar ahí arriba deseando estar aquí abajo.

La hélice es solo un gran ventilador que mantiene a los pilotos frescos... cuando se detiene en vuelo el piloto comienza transpirar.

La velocidad es vida. La altura es seguro de vida... nadie nunca se estrelló contra el cielo.

En el único momento en que sobra el combustible...es cuando el avión está en llamas.

Todo el mundo sabe que un buen aterrizaje es aquel del cual uno puede salir caminando y un gran aterrizaje... es aquel que nos permite usar el avión nuevamente.

Siempre recuerde que vuela su avión con la cabeza... antes que con las manos.

La probabilidad de supervivencia es... igual al ángulo de aterrizaje.

Nunca deje que un avión lo lleve a un lugar donde su cerebro no haya ido cinco minutos antes.

Usted sabe que ha aterrizado con el tren arriba... cuando para taxear hace falta full power.

Esos que salen de noche con las lechuzas... no deberían volar con las águilas de día.

Aprenda de los errores de otros... no vivirá lo suficiente para cometerlos todos.

El buen juicio viene de la experiencia... la experiencia viene del mal juicio.

La aviación no es tanto una profesión... sino como una enfermedad.

Hay tres reglas simples para un aterrizaje suave... desafortunadamente nadie las conoce.

Cualquier intento de estirar el combustible... es garantía de aumento de viento de frente.

Una tormenta nunca es igual de terrible por dentro que lo que se ve por fuera... es peor.

Hijo, yo me ganaba la vida volando... cuando tú todavía estabas en estado liquido.

Es fácil hacer una pequeña fortuna en aviación... se debe empezar con una gran fortuna

Un piloto varón es un alma confundida... habla de mujeres en la cabina y de aviones en la cama.

Un tonto y su dinero pronto estarán volando... más avión del que pueden controlar.

Recuerde... en un avión siempre es un estudiante.

Siga mirando a su alrededor... siempre habrá algo que olvidó.

Trate de mantener la cantidad de aterrizajes... igual al número de despegues.

Algunas cosas que no hacen ningún bien en aviación: la altitud arriba suyo, la pista detrás de usted, el combustible en el camión, hace medio segundo, las cartas de aproximación en el auto, la velocidad que no tiene... y mil más.

Volar es una vocación perfecta para un hombre que desea sentirse un niño... pero no lo es para alguien que todavía lo es.

Dicen que el único pájaro que habla es el loro... sin embargo es el que peor vuela.

La gravedad nunca pierde... lo mejor que usted puede hacer es empatarle.

Sacado del www.hangar57.com

"Un cerdo que no vuela es solo un cerdo" Porco Rosso. http://www.youtube.com/user/Manlezl

19 Mayo, 2008, 23:50:39

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Re: Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

Tower : "Have you got enough fuel or not ?"
Pilot : "Yes"
Tower : "Yes what?"
Pilot : "Yes, SIR !"

--
CTL : "N123YZ, say altitude"
N123YZ : "Altitude !"
CTL : "N123YZ, say speed"
N123YZ : "SPEED !"
CTL : "N123YZ, say cancel IFR"
N123YZ : "hmmm, 8000 Ft, 150 Kts sir."

--
First Pilot Voice : "Roger, I am holding at 3000 over NF beacon."
Second voice : "NO ! You can't be doing that ! I AM holding at 3000 over that beacon !!!
(brief pause, then first voice again) "You idiot, you're my co-pilot..."

--
Pilot : "The first officer says he's got the field in sight."
Tower : "Roger, the first officer is cleared for a visual approach runway 27; you captain, continue on that 180° heading, and descend to 3000 feet."

--
CTL : "Cessna 123, do you have 'Hotel' Information ?"
Cessna : "No, thanks, Tower, we're staying with friends."

--
Pilot: "Approach, Acme Flt 202, with you at 12,000' and 40 DME."
Approach: "Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000'."
Pilot: "Approach, 202's unable that descent rate."
Approach: "What's the matter 202? Don't you have speed brakes?"
Pilot: "Yup. But they're for my mistakes. Not yours."

--
Controller: "USA353 (sic) contact Cleveland Center 135.60.
(pause)
Controller: "USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!"
(pause)
Controller: "USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!"
Pilot: "Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name you'd get a better response!"

--
Tower : "Wind calm. No reported traffic. Use runway 32 or 14, your choice."
Pilot : "Which runway is longer?"

--
CTL : "D-EXXX cleared to land, please report number of persons on board."
Cessna : "Pilot and two pax plus one dog"
(the cessna bounces 4 times on the runway and finally halts)
CTL : "assume the pilot-in-command was the dog ?"

--
Tower : "Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, marshall will park you."
Pilot : "Roger, looking out for John Wayne."

--
Cessna : "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."
Tower : "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight ?!?!!"
Cessna : "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."

--
Pilot : "... Tower, call me a fuel truck."
Tower : "Roger, you are a fuel truck."

--
CTL : "Air France 123, are you an Airbus 340 or 320 ?"
Air France : "340, of course !"
CTL : "So would you mind switching on the other two engines and giving me 1000 ft/min or more climb ?"

--
Controller: "CRX600, are you on course to SUL?"
Pilot: "More or less."
Controller: "So proceed a little bit more to SUL."

--
Tower: "Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading."
Pilot: "Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345..."

--
Pilot : "I can see the golf country club down below... looks like there are a lot of controllers out today !"
TWR : "Yes sir, there are... they're caddying for DC-10 pilots like you."

--
Washington D.C., Clearance Delivery: "GAF269, you are cleared to destination Indian Springs via after take off radar vectors to 4000 feet thereafter present position direct BOM do not pass BOM at 6000 feet or below after passing 15000 feet turn right on heading 280 to intercept J156 direct ZZT thereafter intercept j158 own navigation read back."
GAF 269: "Roger German Air Force 269 is cleared to Destination Indian Springs via after take off radar vectors to 4000 feet thereafter present position direct BOM do not pass BOM at 6000 feet or below after passing 15000 feet turn right on heading 280 to intercept J156 direct ZZT thereafter intercept j158 own navigation and I need another pencil."

US-Airforce C-130: TWR tell 747 in front of us to call us on 123.45
TWR: XX777 would you mind calling C-130 on 123.45?
xx777: Sorry TWR, we do not talk on 123.45, we are professional pilots
US-Airforce C-130: OK, TWR tell those professional pilots they still have the gear pins in!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Controller: CO 123 descend and maintain FL 180
CO123: Request Lower
Controller: In a lower Voice-Co123 how is this?...Descend and maintain 120
Same Controller while directing many planes to the ILS:
Kids don't try this at Home!!!...Then rattles off instructions to 3 different airfraft to join the ILS..I have never heard a controlled use "break" as much as he did. He was a fast talker, but very easy to understand.
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Approach: Continental xxx, slow to one hundred and ninety.
Continental (in a slow Texas drawl): Roger, slowing one-nine-zero.
After a few minutes of handling other arrivals, Approach asked Continental to slow further to 160.
Again the drawling pilot acknowledged the speed reduction.
Sereral more minutes passed and the controller still needed more spacing.
Approach: Continental xxx, slow to one hundred and fifty.
Continental: (in an even slower, more exasperated voice): Do you guys know what the stall speed of a seven-five-seven is ?
Approach (without missing a beat): No sir, but if you ask the guy in the left seat, I'm sure he could tell you.
Delta yyy descend and maintain six-thousand........ Nothing further was heard from the Continental crew.
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Those German controllers at Frankfurt Airport tend to be a short-tempered lot. They not only expect pilots to know their parking location but how to get there without any assistance. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt. Speedbird 206 clear of active."
Ground: "Good Morning. Taxi to your gate."

The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground. I'm looking up the gate location now."
Ground (impatiently): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly), "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."

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Unknown Aircraft: "I'm f***ing bored!". Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!!" Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was f***ing bored, not f***ing stupid!"

"Un cerdo que no vuela es solo un cerdo" Porco Rosso. http://www.youtube.com/user/Manlezl

19 Mayo, 2008, 23:51:05

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Re: Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

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A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. San,Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/C: "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign"
RAD: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/C: "LHR Ground, Speedbird 123 request taxy."
GND: "Speedbird 123, hold position, you'll be following a Virgin with a tight slot."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
American 123 - Uh tower, what's the wind?
JFK Tower - A parcel of air moving across the surface of the earth, but that's not important right now, wind is 270 at 10.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Northwest : "Grand Forks ground, Northwest XXX taxi to the gate and can we get an update on the game."
GFK Ground : "Northwest XXX taxi to the gate, and you guys aren't gonna like this, but its Boston 8, New York 2." (Or whatever the score was, but the Sox were up).
Northwest: "Well that's a little disappointing."
GFK Ground: "Yeah, I guess Steinbrener didn't write enough checks this year."
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Tower: United xxx decend to 3000 feet on QNH 1012
United: can i have that in inches please?
Tower: United xxx decend to 36000 inches on QNH 1012
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
NWA - "Uh tower we'll need 6L for departure."
TWR - "Ok - so you want the 9,000 foot runway instead of the 8,999 foot runway...?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Control tower to a UA 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this.... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Allegedly, while taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
US Air 2771: "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tower: Mexicana 809, can you take 27L instead of 22L.
Mexicana 809: Yes we can.
Tower: Great. Mexicana 809. Taxi D3, M, M6 in front of American 757.
Mexicana 809: Roger, D3, M, M6 in front of American 757.

after 30 seconds....
Tower: (shouting) Mexicana 809, STOP. D3, M, M6.
Mexicana 809: Roger, D3, M, M6. Mexicana 809.

after 20 seconds....
Tower: (really shouting) Everyone for 22L, 27L, STOP WHERE YOU ARE.
Mexicana 809, can you taxi to the end of the runway without hitting
anyone?
Mexicana 809: Roger, we will try.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here in Norway we had a state visit from the Russian President Putin some time ago..

OSL ATC: "Russia 9001 you are cleared the approach to runway 01L, this will save you some taxitime"

RUS9001: "Okay, cleared ILS for 01L, Russia 9001" (Typical Russian accent)

DLH3130: "Approach, whats the reason for this.. thing.. with the plane getting 01L..for shorter taxi..?"

OSL ATC: "Eerrhm, do you.. have.. the.. President.. of the Russian Federation onboard?"

DLH3130: "...no?.."

OSL ATC: "THAT's the reason!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
LAX tower to a BA747 after a perfect landing:

Tower: Speedbird123 you landed a bit to the left of the centerline.
BA123: Roger sir, and my copilot landed a bit to the right
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal.
Control Tower replies: "And where is the world's most experienced airline going today without filing a flight plan?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

ATC: Alitalia 345 continue taxi holding position 26 South via Tango check for workers along taxiway
AZA: Ali345 Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked - all are working
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

ARN851: "Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15."
Halifax Terminal (female): "Nova 851 Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lost student pilot: "Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, identify yourself."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Un cerdo que no vuela es solo un cerdo" Porco Rosso. http://www.youtube.com/user/Manlezl

19 Mayo, 2008, 23:51:28

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Re: Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

Contol: "AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots."
Pilot: "Rogo', Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots fer ya."
Cont: (a few moments later): "AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now1 1/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots."
Pilot: "AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots"
Cont: "AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now 1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots"
Pilot (a little miffed): "Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this here C-130 is?"
Cont: "No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.
Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.
Controller: oh oh! You have traffic!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

O'Hare Approach: USA212, cleared ILS runway 32L approach, maintain speed 250 knots.
USA212: Roger approach, how long do you need me to maintain that speed?
O'Hare Approach: All the way to the gate if you can.
USA212: Ah, OK, but you better warn ground control.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cessna 152: "Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred"
Controller: "Roger, contact Houston Space Center"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

727 pilot: "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?"
Controller: "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.
ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Student Pilot: "I'm lost; I'm over a big lake and heading toward the big E."
Controller: "Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar."
(short pause)...
Controller: "Okay then. That big lake is the Atlantic Ocean. Suggest you
turn to the big W immediately ."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pilot: "Approach, Acme Flt 202, with you at 12,000' and 40 DME."
Approach: "Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000'."
Pilot: "Approach, 202's unable that descent rate."
Approach: "What's the matter 202? Don't you have speed brakes?"
Pilot: "Yup. But they're for my mistakes. Not yours."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A deer is on the runway... so...
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off.
Student: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Inst: "What do you think you should do?" (think-think-think)
Std: "Maybe if I taxi toward him it'll scare him away."
Inst: "That's a good idea." (Taxi toward deer, but deer is macho, and holds position.)
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off, runway NN.
Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Inst: "What do you think you should do?" (think-think-think)
Std: "Maybe I should tell the tower."
Inst: "That's a good idea."
Std: Cessna XXX, uh, there's a deer down here on the runway (long pause)
Tower: Roger XXX, hold your position. Deer on runway NN cleared for immediate departure. (Two seconds, and then -- I presume by coincidence -- the deer bolts from the runway, and runs back into the woods.)
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for departure, runway NN. Caution wake turbulence, departing deer. It had to be tough keeping that Cessna rolling straight for take-off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to departure...by the way as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "National 63 cleared for takeoff...did you copy the report from Eastern?"
National 63: "Roger, Tower, cleared for takeoff... yes, we've already notified our caterers."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pilot: "Approach, Federated 303's with at 8000' for vectors ILS, full stop.
Approach: "Unable Federated 303. The ILS is out of service."
Pilot: "We'll take the VOR then."
Approach: "Sir, the VOR's in alarm right now. Standby."
Pilot: "OK, guess it'll have to be the ADF then."
Approach: "303, unable the ADF right now for traffic saturation."
Pilot: "OK, approach. State my intentions."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

ATC: "N123YZ, say altitude."
N123YZ: "ALTITUDE!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say airspeed."
N123YZ: "AIRSPEED!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say cancel IFR."
N123YZ (Pause) "..........Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

BB: "Barnburner 123, Request 8300 feet."
Bay Approach: "Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude."
BB: "Because the last 2 times I've been at 8500, I've nearly been run over
by some bozo at 8500 feet going the wrong way!"
Bay: "That's a good reason. 8300 approved.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Controller: "FAR1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus 330 or 340?"
Pilot: "A340 of course!"
Controller: "Then would you mind switching on the two other engines and give me a 1000 feet per minute, please?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tower (in Stuttgart): "Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170 knots."
Pilot: "This is here like Frankfurt. There is also only 210 and 170
knots...But we are flexible."
Tower: "We too. Reduce to 173 knots."
***

Tower: "Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading."
Pilot: "Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345..."
***

Tower: "Mission 123, do you have problems?"
Pilot: "I think, I have lost my compass."
Tower: "Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel!"
***

Controller: "CRX600, are you on course to SUL?"
Pilot: "More or less."
Controller: "So proceed a little bit more to SUL."
***

Pilot: "Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please."
Tower: "KLM 242 expect start up in two hours."
Pilot: "Please confirm: two hours delay?"
Tower: "Affirmative."
Pilot: "In that case, cancel the good morning!

"Un cerdo que no vuela es solo un cerdo" Porco Rosso. http://www.youtube.com/user/Manlezl

19 Mayo, 2008, 23:52:20

Manlezl

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a volar! a volar!

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Re: Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

Os toca

"Un cerdo que no vuela es solo un cerdo" Porco Rosso. http://www.youtube.com/user/Manlezl

19 Mayo, 2008, 23:53:01

#10

zxplane

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Re: Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

Tower: "Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ?"
Pilot: "Negative, Sir. It's only the same pilot."

¡¡¡ Que cachondo el tio ¡¡¡

19 Mayo, 2008, 23:55:56

#11

zxplane

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Re: Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

Cita de: Manlezl en 19 Mayo, 2008, 23:52:20

Os toca

¿Nos toca? Yo tengo ya un ojo cerrado y el otro con un tick de leer inglés a estas horas.... Sonreir

20 Mayo, 2008, 01:15:20

#12

AvEngEr

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Re: Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

Joer... hay cada uno que es para morirse de la risa... Cheesy

26 Mayo, 2008, 12:37:26

#13

AvEngEr

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Re: Recopilación conversaciones ATC-Pilotos

Ayer estuve hablando con un conocido que pilotaba helicópteros en la policía y ahora está en una empresa privada sobre el tema de los ATC y los pilotos y me contó una anécdota que le paso hace un tiempo.

Estaba en Málaga con un compañero que era muy meticuloso y le gustaba hacer las cosas a rajatabla:

Heli: Torre de Málaga Ángel 5 buenos días
TWR: Ángel 5, adelante (con el típico acento malagueño)
Heli: Ángel 5 sobre xxx (no recuerdo el nombre que me dijo) solicitando autorización para cruzar senda de planeo de la pista 32 a 50 pies sobre el mar

10 segundos de silencio

Heli: Torre de Málaga, ¿me ha recibido?
TWR: Ángel 5 si va a cruzar a la altitud que ha notificado puede hacerlo por donde le salga de los coj... (continuando con el acento)

Me contaba este hombre que como sabía de la forma de trabajar de su compañero no dijo nada, pero que se imaginaba el cachondeo que tenía que haber en la torre en esos 10 segundos de slencio. Cheesy

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